There’s a stereotype out there that guys won’t stop and ask for directions. And I’ll personally admit that’s the way I tend to be. When I don’t know exactly where I’m at, I tend to keep going and try to figure it out, rather than stop and find some help.
Maybe you’re the same way; maybe not. Either way, this same kind of decision — to stop and get help, or to keep going — is a decision we’ll face throughout our lives. At work, in school, around the house, in relationships — there will be plenty of times in life when we’re going to realize that we need some help. And in those moments, what will we choose to do? Do reach out for help? Or to just keep plugging away?
Reasons We Hesitate
For some of us, asking for help is what we do as a last resort. I know that’s something I struggle with. But why is that?
It may be an issue that we don’t want to admit that we need help. We think we’ll lose face, or that it will affect what others think of us.
Maybe we don’t want to inconvenience the other person. They have their own work, their own responsibilities, and we don’t want to add one more thing onto their list of things to do. Or we don’t want them to feel obligated to help.
There may also be the feeling that asking for help will actually take us more time. We think we’re so close — just another minute, or day, or week, and things will be fine. And if we believe that we’re that close, we see asking for help just an unnecessary delay.
Reasons We Shouldn’t
And although these reasons may feel compelling in the moment, they don’t always add up.
We may think that not asking for help will save us time. And sometimes this is true — we may be close enough that we truly can get what we need done quicker than finding outside help. But often this isn’t the case. Getting help when we realize we need it can often save us time, since it keeps us from simply going in circles.
There are other times where we’re hesitant to ask for help because we don’t want to inconvenience a friend. But it’s quite possible they won’t see it that way at all.
How may times has a friend or colleague come to you for help? And how did that make you feel? Usually, if our friend needs help, and we can help him, we’re glad to do it. So by asking for help, we can give the other person an opportunity to do something they may actually want to do.
Of course, we don’t want to put pressure on the other person, or make them feel like they have to help — that can lead to resentment. And once someone does help us, we should remember to say thanks. It lets them know we really do value their time and service, and we don’t take it for granted that they chose to help us.
Go For It
Saying we need help can feel humiliating at times. Or it may go against the way we’re wired. But refusing to ask for the help we need not only doesn’t get us anywhere, but can also steal the opportunity to be helpful from someone else.
So if you need help — which we all do at times — don’t be afraid to ask. You’ll reap the benefits. And somebody else may be glad to get the opportunity.