When the results I’m looking for don’t show up, I have two options: I can either change what I’m doing. Or I can change my expectations.
In life, there are things we can control, and there are things we cannot. And it’s important to be clear on the difference. Otherwise, we can get frustrated over situations we have no power over. Or we can passively accept the status quo when the change we want is contingent on actions we can actually take.
So when things don’t turn out how we’d like, one question is: Is the outcome I want correlated with things I can control? Is my desire for my health, for this relationship, for that situation at work, dependent on things I can do? Or is it beyond my control? Because if my actions affect the outcome, the next question is: Am I willing to take the actions necessary to see the outcome I say I want to see?
Because if not, getting frustrated when things don’t change is pointless. If I want to lose weight or get in better shape, but refuse to change how I eat or my activity level, then I shouldn’t be surprised if things continue as they are. If I’m unhappy with a relationship, but am unwilling to do anything different than I’ve always done, what’s the point of getting frustrated when things stay as they’ve been.
Sometimes, though, change on my part is out of the question. In these cases, the other option is to simply change my expectations. Because if what I’m currently doing isn’t resulting in what I want, and I’m unable or unwilling to change my behavior to get there, than changing my mindset about what’s actually possible is the remaining option.
It can be frustrating to not see the change you want to see happen. And so it’s good to get clear on whether you can actually do anything about it. Because if you can’t change it, no matter what you do, that’s one thing. But if there are actions you could take to change the situation, but you choose not to take them, that’s another.