Have you ever looked in your closet, or stared at your bookshelf, or glanced around your garage, and said, “I need to get rid of some stuff”?
It’s not uncommon to have more than we need, but when it comes time to declutter, how do you decide what stays and what goes? It’s easy to see all the things we have — like clothes, or books, or tools — and start with the question, What should I get rid of?
But I think there’s an even better question to use when making the decision. Instead of focusing on, What I should get rid of?, what if you started off by asking, What should I keep?
Tidying Up
In her popular book, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, Marie Kondo describes the power of tidying up in one’s life. For her, the whole process revolves around identifying those things in our lives that “spark joy” — things that we like most — and learning to let go of the rest. The focus is on the things we decide to keep, not the other way around.
Having recently looked through the book, I decided to use this approach last week as I went through my clothes, books, and papers. Instead of going through them thinking about which ones to get rid of, I was intentionally thinking about which things I really wanted to hold onto. Now, this may not seem like a big distinction, but I found it made a big difference.
For clothes, for instance, if I start with the question, What should I get rid of?, I may be able to identify a few pieces here and there that I could let go of. But I could also conjure up all kinds of scenarios in my mind to justify holding onto this or that — you know, ‘just in case.’ But if I start by taking every piece out, and then only putting back the ones I truly like and definitely want to keep, I end up holding onto much less.
Now this approach usually results in holding onto fewer items than otherwise, but it also means we end up only holding onto things we’ve intentionally chosen — to things that are still meaningful to us in some way.
It also helps us to learn to let go of items that have stuck around way too long. It can be easy to hold onto something that was meaningful to us at one point in our lives. If we start with the question, W_hat do I want to get rid of?_, it may be tough to admit we want to get rid of it due to our history with it. But if we start by focusing on what we really want to keep at this point in our life, we may realize we’re also not that excited about keeping it either, which can be indication that it’s time to let it go.
Beyond Physical Clutter
It’s easy to see how this applies to books and clothes and miscellaneous items around the house, but consider how this thinking could apply to the rest of your commitments, especially when it comes to your time.
When it comes to time, everything you say yes to entails saying no to something else. Because, unlike a closet or filing cabinet, you cannot simply cram more hours into a day. But instead of looking at your schedule and saying, What should I cut out?, what if you looked at your schedule and said, What are the few things I’m going to hold onto?
This can be especially valuable when you have a lot of ‘good’ things you’re giving your time to. If you start out by thinking about whether you should cut this or that, you may be able to justify holding onto each one. But if you start with the other question, What do I most want to be investing my time into? it can help clarify the decisions of what should stay and go.
Because whether it’s books or clothes or spots on the calendar, it’s in first identifying what’s essential that we come to recognize what’s not.