“A ship in harbor is safe — but that’s not what ships are built for.” –John A. Shedd
If living things grow, and growth requires change, it seems natural that as living beings, you and I would embrace change.
And yet, there are plenty of times where that’s not the case. We’re content right where we’re at. But why is that? What causes us to avoid change, even though it’s part of the growth process that’s part of this thing called life?
I’d venture that the most common reason we stay where we’re at is because of fear. Perhaps a fear of the unknown, or a fear of failure, or a fear of losing control. There’s a fear of something out there that makes us to decide it’s safer to stay right here where we’re already at.
Now, it’s one thing if we have a sense that things need to change, but we’re unsure of what the next step may be. It’s another, though, when we know exactly what direction we need to head, and yet, because of fear, we stay put — like the ship that never pulls anchor and leaves port.
In those situations, what we usually need most is a good dose of courage. And by courage, I don’t mean a complete absence of any feelings of fear. Rather, I mean the ability to move forward in spite of whatever feelings we may be experiencing in the moment.
And sometimes the best way to do that — to move forward in spite of our fears or insecurities — is to take a moment to reframe our perspective in light of the bigger picture. Because sometimes we get paralyzed with fear because we’re focusing on only one possible outcome, all the while losing sight of the broader horizon.
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So how do we catch a glimpse of the bigger picture? As in all of life, the answers we get are determined by the questions we ask. Here are a few questions to consider when you find yourself knowing the direction you need to head, but fear is holding you back:
What could moving ahead make possible?
Instead of only thinking about what could go wrong, also take a moment to consider what could go right. How could this next step affect the quality of your life? Are there opportunities that it could open up down the road? Whether it be in terms of career, or relationships, or health, or personal development, what could this next step make possible? Because once we see the value this change could create for us and those around us, that in itself can give us the motivation we need to get, and keep, going.
What is staying where I’m at going to cost me in the long run?
Another approach is to also consider the opportunity costs of not moving forward. Meaning, if I stay where I’m at, and don’t move ahead, what will that choice cost me in the long run? What am I giving up by staying here?
Now, this is essentially the same question as the first one, but in this case, we’re framing our answers in terms of potential consequences, not just potential gains. This is because we as humans can tend to be risk averse.
This question, though, reminds us that there’s going to be a cost to our decision, whatever we choose. And although it may be easier to think about the risk of making a change and stepping out, there can just as real a risk in failing to move at all.
What’s the worst that could happen?
Finally, what’s honestly the worst that could happen? If we were to fail in whatever we’re pursuing, how long would it take for us to get back to where we’re currently at? If something went wrong, would the damage be irreparable, or just a temporary delay? Because if it’s only a temporary bump in the road, and the worst case scenario isn’t truly that bad, that realization can help us move forward.
Sometimes, in the recesses of our mind, the thought of failure evokes feelings that are not proportional to the significance of what’s actually at stake. We feel like if we fail, everything is over. And so we do nothing. And yet, if actually think about it realistically, the worst case scenario is often not nearly as bad as we may have initially thought.
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Moving forward isn’t always easy. It can be scary at times, and certainly can be uncomfortable. But remember, when seen from a broader perspective, the potential costs of moving forward usually pale in comparison with the costs of failing to move at all.