In one of his talks, C. S. Lewis discusses the phenomenon of “the inner ring."1 Look around at any given organization, and you’re bound to find a smaller subset of people who actually run things. They’re the gatekeepers and kingmakers, regardless of their official titles or roles. This inner ring is part of an organic, unofficial hierarchy that is constantly in flux. Those on the inside may eventually be on the outside. And those on the outside may one day be insiders, something most people naturally desire.
The fact that inner rings exist isn’t necessarily evil. The danger is when the desire to be a part of one–or the fear of being left out–is the driving motivation for our actions. When the desire for acceptance is our primary concern, we may do things not because they’re the right things to do but because we want to be part of the inner ring. We’d rather compromise a little than risk their disapproval, even if that means going against our convictions. But over time, these little compromises lead us to do–and thus become–what we never intended. The desire for acceptance is natural. But how do we make sure this natural desire doesn’t become a cruel tyrant in our lives?
A few years before his “The Inner Ring” address, Lewis wrote The Screwtape Letters, a collection of letters from a demon named Screwtape to his nephew Wormwood. Screwtape advises Wormwood on how to tempt–and ultimately destroy–his human “patient.” In one letter, Screwtape talks about what kind of person is less prone to fall for the temptation to go against their convictions out of a desire to fit in.
The man who truly and disinterestedly enjoys any one thing in the world, for its own sake, and without caring two pence what other people say about it, is by that very fact forearmed against some of our subtlest modes of attack. You should always try to make the patient abandon the people or food or books he really likes in favor of the “best” people, the “right” food, the “important” books. I have known a human defended from strong temptations to social ambition by a still stronger taste for tripe and onions.2
How do you arm yourself against the siren song of the inner ring? One way is to learn to enjoy something for its own sake and not for the sake of impressing others. Choosing to be honest about what you really like and not changing your tastes based on what others may say may not seem like much. But learning to enjoy something in life “without caring two pence what other people say about it”–even if that thing is tripe and onions–is invaluable. When the desire to be in the inner circle tempts you to set aside other convictions, you’ll be better prepared to stand firm. You’ve practiced not caring about what others may say, and you’ve learned that there are plenty of good things in life that aren’t dependent on their approval.